Connor_Fell

Step one... again?

2008-12-22T20:18:24Z

So I'm changing doctors for reasons unrelated to transition - my old doctor failed badly as a doctor, to the point of being dangerous.

But now I'm worried that this will put me back to square one, and I'll have to be referred to a local shrink again. I really do not want to have to go through that mess again, it screwed with my head badly. And I don't want to lose more time. So I'm just hoping on hope that I won't have to re-start, and that this doctor will be a little more understanding.

connor_fell @ 2008-09-07T11:07:00

2008-09-07T10:10:52Z

I really haven't done well in keeping up to this journal - mostly because nothing significant has been happening transitionwise. I'm still unemployed, and I'm still waiting on the doctors.

I had to move house in a hurry (psycho landlord) so my new housemates unfortunately think I'm female. However, I'm passing about 85-90% of the time outside the house, easily, and people have stopped looking shocked when I correct them if they're wrong.

The doctor screwed up - sent a letter to the PCT asking for surgery, not therapy, so of course that set me back. So I'm waiting and waiting, I went to a different doctor at the practice and he said he'd send another letter. I had to do some more education while I was there - he kept saying how he'd treated two trans men, he hadn't, he'd treated women, and he even referred to Dr Curtis as female. *headdesk*

I am sick of having to educate people, I really am. If I wanted to do that, I'd have kept on tutoring, or taken up a degree in education. Also grumpy about the fact I can't get anything like depression seen to because it will hold back my transition.

Not-quite-step-one.

2008-06-12T08:12:48Z

I guess I'm starting writing about this a little late.

I'm not sure where you could call step one. Most likely when I finally got away from my abusive, controlling parents, got a safe net connection, and with the help of google realised "Holy shit, they've got a name for it." Up until that point I'd only known of transwomen, seen in my mother's magazines with the headline "My husband is now a woman!" and such. I had no idea you could "go the other way", as it were.

So maybe that was step one. So far I've found out I'm not crazy, I'm just ftm, cut off contact with my family, cut off my hair, bought binders, changed my name, and done everything I can to move on with my life without medical help.

Now we get to the medical part. A few months back I went to see my GP. He admitted he knew nothing of transpeople, nor what was required. So I told him - always fun when you have to edumacate your own doc. But he was a good one, understanding, and got me a referral to Dr Rosie Clarke at Gaskell House, a local psychotherapist. If you can avoid this doctor, I urge you to. She seems to think that my lack of a girlfriend is indicative of a troubled mind, rather than me being too busy and selfish to want someone in that role in my life. She also seemed to think I just wanted Daddy to love me.

However, she did send "The Letter", which brings me here. Today I went to see one of my GPs (It's a group practice, this time I saw the head of it) who told me they'd had a letter about referring me, and he was happy to approve me - we've spoken a few times for unrelated things (I have eczema, and I'm being tested for probably migraines) and was fine that I was in a good position to be sent on.

The next step is getting the PCT to fund my transition, which seems to be based on many factors well beyond my control. Fingers crossed then...